Showing posts with label diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diary. Show all posts

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Can't Recline

Sorry I haven't been keeping you up to date with all the mundane self-promotional things I've been up to recently. I'll endeavour to rectify that in two seconds... starting... ONE TWO>>>>>

NOW!

1) The film Videowallah and I made won a major award last week. It won the Satayjit Ray Foundation/British Council Best Short Film award. It was an amazing experience. We met the director of Shifty and loads of other British Asian filmmakers all thinking we had made something better than them. We hadn't and were both incredibly shocked to have won, but we did. Watch out for Channel 4's coming up season this august. The film 'Half a Cup' is brilliant, concerning two wannabe gangsters putting together a cast to rehash an old play at the local Pakistan Centre. It's aces. Anyway, we were at BAFTA in the David Lean room for the award drinking pink champagne out of logo glasses, have cream tea with scones and watching loads of films. The director of Shifty announced we won, Videowallah swore loudly and then the director proceeded to dissect our film into something approaching deep and intelligent. I still can't believe it.

2) An extract from my forthcoming book, The Honorary Mzungu, about my year in Kenya has been published in Litro magazine under the title, 'Walking in my Father's Footsteps.'. Don't get the printed version as it's been ballsed up by a gross printing malfunction. Read it online above. If you want two more free short stories, drop a comment with your email address.

3) Last week, I attended London Book Fair and saw some inspiring seminars on the future of digital publishing and diversity in publishing. The most amazing thing was getting down with the Canongate peoples (my favourite publishers) and blagging a ticket to their all-important party. Lucky I went because earlier in the day, Franic from Canongate had handed me a free proof copy of Nick Cave's forthcoming book, 'The Death of Bunny Munro.' And luckily, Nick happened to be at the party long enough for me to corner him and ask for a signature. He signed the book, I debated either sycophancy or an attempt to be deep. i opted for a cheesy 'Thanks for the music' in order to extract myself from the conversation with dignity semi-dishevelled. Also in attendance were McNulty, who I suggested started a conga (an idea he was taken with) and the awesomely serene Lester Freamon. Yes, the last two are actors from the Wire. I was properly starstruck. Canongate therefore rule ipso ergo sum... can I have a publishing deal?

4) Jeff Lewis in concert last week was amazing. Seeing a man so ridden with angst and issues, yet able to translate them into accessible dry wry funny sweet and beautiful songs was awe-inspiring. He's absolutely incredible and I love him.

5) Some amazing gigs coming up including Rich Sandling's Perfect Movie and Salena Godden's Book Club Boutique. Also, some good mentions on the Luke Wright podcast and the Answer Me This podcast.

Right, till next time... STEPHEN!!!!

Monday, 30 March 2009

Freebie Lucre

After a great gig with Luke Wright, Ross Sutherland, Poeticat and Salena Saliva Gloopy Goddamn Godbless Godden, it was back to London to blog, write my secret book and plan a wedding. It's incredible and incredibly dull, simultaneously, how much time and effort goes into planning one day. It makes me cry. From Friday 7.45pm till Sunday 10pm we talked about it, seemingly non-stop, so much so that I was too housebound to check out my bezzie mate, Mr Lingo's Bass in your Face Bristol rave-scene screamo bass-ment rumblefest. It's taken over my life. The thing we're struggling with as a couple is: on one hand, it's the happiest day in your life- on the other, it's one day in your life. If we worked out how many hours our 00s of pounds was paying for, the ratio would sicken me. Isn't there a recession on? So, we decided to speak to a friend of mine who writes for a wedding magazine. Did he want to cover a multicultural melting pot wedding? A mixture of top hats and sarees, fascinators and turbans? We were the mixed race dream and surely a dream feature ticket? He said fine, so I've been going round offering press coverage in this niche wedding magazine for discounts and freebies.

And I've met with a resounding 'big who cares'. It's not that the coverage in a niche Asian wedding magazine is anything to sniff at. Oh no, that's perfectly fine. It's just they seem to be suffering the same recession as me, and despite everything wedding related being marked up an extra 40%, no one is stupid enough to be having a wedding this year. Right? Wrong, we seem to be doing it. Though, at the rate it's infiltrating all our conversations, who knows where we'll end up.

Things I like:

Jeffrey Lewis and the Junkyard's new 'Em Are I' album
Dollhouse and Eliza Dushku
The Corner by David Simon and Ed Burns
Scott Pilgrim
Spotify
@azizansari 's bonkers tweets

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Charity Shop Divinity

Earlier today, I wondered how many D'Archetypes singles were out and about in the world.

Later on, while reading Edgar Wright's blog I thought I should track down Scott Pilgrim and read it before the film comes out so I can be sniffy about how I was there first. Checking Amazon it seemed volumes 2-5 were reasonably priced, while volume 1 (second hand) was going for a cool hand luke £35.

Then, while reviewing Doves' latest album I wondered why I had taken 'Lost Souls' their inspiring debut album to the charity shop after overplaying it through my final year at university.

I was wondering up Green Lanes in Harringay today checking out estate agents for a possible move. I walked into a charity shop on a whim and what did I find? A D'Archetypes single (okay, this made me die a little inside as someone had discarded my art), the first two volumes of Scott Pilgrim and a pristine vinyl copy of 'Lost Souls' by Doves. Now this may all seem unimpressive and coincidental but sometimes charity shops seem to soundtrack your day in a way that transcends what you can see in front of you. I'm not saying I believe in god, but if I do, she definitely volunteers in my local Sue Ryder Cancer Care shop and is trying to send me a message. What that message is... god knows... and thus is the divine gauntlet laid for me.

This week, I went to a wedding, on a Monday. Afterwards we celebrated with a coffee in Asda. You can't get classier than that.

I really hope the charity shop has a publishing deal; a brown morning suit and an iPhone next time I head down.

Monday, 23 March 2009

Gujaratis, Bruce Wayne and Friend Chicken

Life's been strange recently. Instead of blogging every excruciating minute piece of banality from my so-called life, I've been writing my new novel. While the industry has been in complete meltdown/downturn, some writer friends and I thought it best to start stockpiling material for when the dust settles the book-market upscales and hey, they need more brown-boy-material to fill the shelves. I've been working on this book in relative secret, only giving out sketchy details about small parts of it. Because I'm still in first draft hell, I haven't come up with the definitive killer sentence to describe it, the one-sell, the 'boy meets girl, girl kills boy, boy haunts girl' type sentence that makes people get it instantly. All I have is this abstract concept about what it feels like, and if anyone asks what it's about it becomes errr ummm errr well it's kinda like about this sort of thingy.

Some amusing and disgusting things recently:

1) Outside my house, an old Indian man is wandering up and down the street slowly, darting back to our house. We're watching him. He's definitely in the weirdo category. We leave the house for dinner. He stops and walks up to me just at the end of the drive.

'Excuse me...'
'Yes?'
His eyes are red and tear-strewn, he walks with a lean over to his left side like it's boneless.
'Are you a Gujarati?'
'Yes I am.'
'I'm looking for Ashok Shah's house. He lives in Wood Green somewhere but I'm forgotten where. Do you know where he lives? He is Gujarati too.'
'No sorry.'
'I can't believe I've forgotten. Sorry.'

He limps off.

2) Teenagers are funny. They're so easily offended by some things and so quick to assert their awkward authority on others. I was standing on a crowding train next to two teenage girls who were sneering about their surroundings. They were particularly upset about the train being too busy to offer them seats. One of them became quickly outraged by a non-descript blonde boy on the other side of the carriage wearing one of those 'fashionable' faded vintage Batman insignia t-shirts. He looked bland, unable to carry off a conversation.

'Oh my god,' said the girl audibly to her friend. 'Look at his t-shirt. The Batman one. He's, like, a complete idiot. I mean I bet he doesn't even know who Bruce Wayne is. He's like his alter-ego you dumbarse.'

Weirded comment about a t-shirt ever.

3) Here's some proper ASBO behaviour. It's the last dregs of Sunday morning (11.45am), we're on a train hurtling into London. A man stands over the passengers with his girlfriend, both devouring fried chicken from boxes, daubed with ketchup, oozing grease. He has chicken fat smeared across his face. He keeps steadying himself with his greasy chicken hand, placing it on every handle pole and surface he can find. You're disgusting mate, and you only warrant a mention because that's the filthiest thing I have ever seen and you're the reason our tube is a putrid mess of dirt and annoyance and I hate you.

That's all for now. I'd tell you about the worst gig I had to cancel 20 minutes after its scheduled start and why the venue were pricks for making me turn up even though I knew no one would be buying tickets, but that's one for the memoirs, which I will begin stockpiling now for that inevitable book-upward swing.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Happy birthday, Sean!

Cabein and I were talking last night about two things that became linked. One was about leaving a lasting message forever and thus discovering the trick of eternal life. We were also talking about eschewing new bands and trends for old favourites. We were talking about Sonic Youth’s ‘Daydream Nation’ album and how there’s never really a mood to stick it on for. You just have to do it. Cabein mentioned relistening to ‘Nevermind’ on loop in hope of the inevitable grunge resurgence, which clicked something in my mind. Occasionally, I take loved but unlistened-to CDs to second-hand shops and swap them for new things- sometimes I’ve heard an album so much I’ve discovered everything I need to about it so think someone else should discover and enjoy this, I don’t need to listen to it again, I’ve had my time with. This happened with ‘Nevermind’, which I now regret, because talking with Cabein I realised how much I needed to dip in. I remembered my tatty already-secondhand copy of ‘Nevermind’ and realised that someone somewhere owned a private moment of mine now, preserved in infinity. An ex-girlfriend gave me her copy of ‘Nevermind’- she bought it in the spirit of rebellion and subsequently hated it. She gave it to me. Before she did, she wrote a little note on it, a private joke between us to me on the front cover and signed it. It now exists forever on someone’s shelf somewhere as a private moment between two exes. One of the most heart-warming things about buying secondhand books is the chance that there’s a dedication in the front-cover, from a lover or dear one, something that says something about the gifter and the giftee. One of my favourite dedications was in a secondhand copy of ‘American Psycho’ that I bought from Barnados in Brixton.

‘Sean,
I hear this book is the exact mix of anti-capitalism and excessive violence that you love so much.

Enjoy.

Happy 16th birthday!

Love, grandma’

Everytime ‘American Pyscho’ catches my eye on my shelf, I wonder how Sean turned out after his 16th birthday. We are linked through the thinnest of strands but I feel like that private glimpse into his life has bonded us forever.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Writing

I've been away for a week and I doubt you want to read about me eating fish, sitting on a beach, drinking beer, reading and writing my new novel- whoops, there that sums it up.

Reviews later of Apex Hides the Hurt and Things I Like about America.

Here are my answers to some questions a creative writing degree person asked me about writing. I wrote the answers really fast with no self-editing, as if she was recording me and I was the transcription, warts and all. Here's what I wrote (ignore all the spelling and half-arsed thoughts):

1) Do you think writers (specifically, writers of fiction) have a responsibility?
Writers of fiction do have a responsibility to their audience. Whether that responsibility is a worthy one or a political, polemic, conscious one is another thing. Writers of fiction, frivolous as it may be, fantastical as it may be, take you on a journey- they create infinite universes for you to wander into and immerse yourself in. Once you’re in, you’re living their truth and their fiction and the rules and agendas of their universe. Writers have a responsibility to you to ensure that their universe is immersive and consistent with the rules they invent, to keep you trapped on that journey. But on top of this, all fiction should represent a truth about the world, whether it mirrors or satirises the present, past or future, whether it creates fantastical situations ripe for triumph, there should be a nugget of truth about our world. Sometimes the most science fictional piece of work (e.g. Battlestar Galactica) will reflect the modern world in a way more salient and telling about the human spirit than someone worthy and factual like Frost-Nixon. To put this into book terms, William Gibson’s ‘Neuromancer’ told us more about the dystopian technological future ahead than most other books. It reflected an innate truth within us all.

2) What is your own definition of the truth in fiction?
As above, truth should be a consistency within the universe you inhabit. But truth in fiction should ultimately be a reflection of a truth in human behaviour and human interaction. We read mirrors of ourselves and we read vicarious versions of ourselves, we find ourselves in characters and we find characters in ourselves, either living the life we wish or living a version of our own sordid truth, and fiction should reflect that in however small or big a way. ‘The Collector Collector’ by Tibor Fischer, written from the perspective of an ancient jug revealing the secrets of its every owner, though told by a seemingly inanimate object, reveals a truth about our history and our perceptions of time and nostalgia. Though the jar can’t empathise with human emotion, its discussion of such truths reveals a lot about the human spirit as it tries its hardest to understand why we’re programmed the way we are.

3) Fiction is expected to be made up, do you think readers will be disappointed if there is truth in a fictional story?
Readers would probably be disappointed to know how much truth there is in fiction. Writing for me is all about collecting. I collect characters and anecdotes and behaviourial ticks. I collect names too. My favourite is a friend’s mum’s boss: Radford Quist. Such a fiction-rich name yet readers would be disappointed to know that he manages an ambulance call-out centre in East London. I collect anecdotes, my latest novel currently in draft, is a collection of all the wonderful anecdotes I have collected about the immigrant experience of integration into UK society woven into a plot. There are greater stories in real life than in fiction sometimes. The comedy wrought from everyday real conversations in the Guardian Guide’s ‘All Ears’ column always gets me laughing, meaning I listen intently to conversations and speech patterns on trains and buses, trying to match my fictional characters to some real life persona, a realistic flow. The book ‘Shantaram’ should be fiction and reads like an amazing thriller, yet purports to be true. The greatest fictional books are weaved from real-life events. The novel I am drafting at the moment would be hampered by the limits of my imagination if I tried to make it all up. Instead, I have an intricate web of stories, all rich for fictionalising and exaggerating for comedic/dramatic effect to base my narrative on.

5) Was your interest always to be an author?
I wanted to be a world-famous rapper.

I always knew I wanted to write. I’ve tried to write a book so many times. I got through 40 pages of a novel when I was 16 before getting bored with trying to construct something that flowed. I knew I wanted to write, I just didn’t know what format. I always knew it’d be fiction though. Much as I am political and identity/culture-conscious and want to reflect that in my writing, I felt that fiction was always the best format for me. Which is weird because the first book I finished and wanted to heavily promote was a non-fiction travel memoir about a bizarre year I spent in Kenya living with the ex-pat Brits. It’s non-fiction, and again it’s the case where true life was more interesting than fiction, though (and don’t tell anyone this) I changed some names, amalgamated some characters and made their conversations more narrative-based! My next work is fiction. I can safely say now that I feel most comfortable in an author’s slippers than a rapper’s gleaming white trainers and that’s where I’m content to me. It’s where I can express my universal truth as intended.

6) How did you get to publish your book?
I haven’t published my book yet. I had a short story published in an Arts Council-sponsored book; the Arts Council invited me to a workshop on how to get a grant for writing your novel; I applied; got the money; wrote the book; found an agent; reworked the book; wrote another book; she preferred the second one; she’s currently trying to sell it...

7) Where do you derive your ideas from, for your stories?
My fictional ideas all stem from real-life situations and relationships. No matter how fantastical, they all derive from a truth in the real world. They usually spark off from a tiny event that transpires or a conversation with my father, friend Nick, brother Neel, fiancé, something I hear on the train, an article in a supplement, someone’s theme I remix- anything is up for grabs in terms of the ideas factory. Seeing the potential for spinning a story out of random occurrences is your job as a writer. It helps to keep a weekly blog (www.geek-pie.blogspot.com), where amongst the book and music reviews, I keep a daily diary of something from the previous day that either inspired me or made me laugh, and often I’ll refer back to the themes in that diary for inspiration.

8) Do you think it's a risk to have 'realism' in your stories?
Not at all. In fact, sometimes it’s important to have some grounding in realism, otherwise the reader has nothing tangible to hold on to for the duration of their journey.

9) What's your opinion on readers reading for escapism?
I love it. I still read superhero comics every week. I read Spider-man and Daredevil and X-Men. It’s complete escapism but there’s enough tangible reality amongst all the aliens and bizarre science and mutated creatures. Spider-man is a man down on his luck, driven by a responsibility to the greater good, reviled by the public for always doing the right thing; Daredevil wrestles with his upbringing and the limits of his disability; the X-Men experience racism, prejudice and revulsion at every turn. Yet they’re all dealing with the Green Goblin, a man who controls magnetism, an alien who eats planets and other assorted evil geniuses. Why these comics have lasted for over 40 years, is not the kick-ass drawings and vivid depictions of badass fights- it’s the human element, the tangible hold on to a recognisable characteristic within yourself as an outside, or other and how that impacts on your life. And the kick-ass drawings.

10) Did you write for leisure first? If you did, do you find it difficult treating it as a job?
I wrote to express myself. I was a shy kid, in a comfort zone. Reading took me to places I was too scared to experience in real-life or too sheltered. Writing was how I translated my thoughts into something recognisable. Treating it as a job can be a complete drag because you have to think of yourself as a factory and your work as a product and your every indulgent whim may not be sellable or indeed readable by the general public, so doing this as a job,y uo have to temper your inner-censor and do what you want to do, stay close to your inner truth but deliver something that is worth a wider audience immersing themselves in. Otherwise, just keep a diary and never show anyone.

Friday, 13 February 2009

Close to You

This morning, I was standing on the reading my friend Gemma Weekes’ brilliant debut novel ‘Love Me’ on the tube (review to follow), when at Euston, suddenly piles and piles of people piled on. They pushed and shoved, trying desperately claw millimetres further into the carriage, begging for already packed-in sardine-commuters to push in further and move down the carriage. There was nowhere to go. A short woman ended up stood next to me, pressing into me. Usually this type of bodily closeness is completely uncomfortable and inappropriate, but on the tube, you just have to go with it. I had to accept that my butt was butt-kissing a businessman’s butt. I had to accept that no matter where I placed my hand on the rail, someone’s fingers would brush. You make do, suck it up and get on with it. Pressing into me was an angry-faced woman in her thirties, grimacing at being squashed in the busiest hour of the busiest day on the busiest network of trains in the country. The points of her boots was over my toes, she was leaning into me. I was in the middle of a tense section of the book and wanted to keep reading. I lifted the book close to my face, so close that my glasses were redundant and I carried on reading. This exchange followed:

‘Excuse me, can you get your book out of my face please?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Your book. It’s too close to my face.’
‘It’s nowhere near your face.’
‘It is. It’s all I can see. I don’t like the cover, can you read it at some other time?’
‘I’m sorry but it’s not in your face and I wish to read my way through this uncomfortable journey.’
‘Look, sometimes, you just have to get on with it...’

WHAT? What? I HAVE to get on with it? She’s the one with face-book (geddit). I couldn’t believe it. I’m ashamed to say, I defied her and carried on reading, albeit with the pages practically brushing my nose in a new arena of closeness, so close that I could no longer decipher the text anymore. The commute is annoying, full of angry selfish people who don’t move down the carriage, leave their backpacks on, push into you, past you, through you, never say ‘excuse me’, cross their legs in the gangway creating no space to walk, fart, paint nails, eat kebabs, stare, pick their nose, have long loud conversations, listen to bad grime- it’s amazing isn’t it? All the country’s microcosmic filters all playing today nicely in a tiny carriage of doom and despair, like the black hole of Calcutta.

I got off the train and bought a Valentine’s card and joke-bawdy present for my betrothed. The American store manager was a ray of sunshine and joked with me about the bawdiness of the present and how it would be enjoyed and how she owned one and it was just a bit too close and a bit too familiar and she was too classically American-loud and overly talkative and I balked and retreated at her over-familiarity, I still had the rot and rage and repression of the tube leaking from my pores. I walked out of the shop and resolved that I should be nicer to people today even though it took me an hour to get from A to B this morning.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Extract

Here is an extract from my as-yet-unpublished travel memoir, The Honorary Mzungu:

But the holidays beckoned and while the girls headed home for cheese, Eastenders Christmas specials and tinsel, Katie and I boarded an early morning flight to Nairobi. From River Road, one of the most dangerous roads in Nairobi, we took an incredibly bumpy bus west towards Lake Victoria and a town called Kisumu. The bus was over 8 hours long, through all manners of terrain, from mountainous to rural to shanty. The roads were all back-breakingly shaky and uneven. The bus driver, sick of trying to avoid the alarming array of pot-holes, took to driving straight through them rather than concentrate on avoiding them. It shook our spines out of alignment. Above us in the luggage racks, chickens tied into boxes bounced about and squawked when it got too much, their beaks poking through holes in the boxes. We couldn’t read as our eyes couldn’t focus through the jolts. We couldn’t play cards as they flew off our unstable laps. Eventually we gave up, tried talking and eventually fell into a silent admiration of the countryside flying past us. We stopped in Naivasha for samosas and toilets. We passed through long stretches of expanse. We neared Kisumu as darkness encroached.

We arrived in Kisumu, tired and worn and unused to being still. I retrieved our backpack from the boot of the bus. Katie and I looked around for a taxi. The bus driver glared at me and screamed at me in Swahili, like I had done something wrong. I shrugged at him dumbly and smiled. I couldn’t help him. He continued to shout. We tried to understand each other but he wouldn’t lower his voice and I couldn’t pick out any of his words as I had shamefully not made much attempt to learn Swahili. I felt so Brit-abroad. We walked out of the bus station towards the main road assuming we would find a taxi to our hotel. On the main road, I stepped forward to hail tuk-tuks screaming past us.

“OI! STOP IT! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!” I heard a scream behind me and whirled round to find a young boy trying to rip Katie’s handbag from around her head. The bag was around her neck so every time he yanked it fiercely, he only pulled her towards him, so savagely that she bit him on the nose at one point. I ran to her aide, grabbed the bag, containing her passport and half our funds for the week and wrestled it from his hands. He grunted and looked fiercely at me, flaring his bit nostrils and pulling the bag to his chest. Katie started to acquiesce and tried to take it off from around her neck as he was getting nowhere yanking it off her. He continued to pull though. I continued to wrench it back, on autopilot. A crowd gathered and stared at our violent stalemate. The boy dropped the bag into my hand, punched me square in my beautiful nose and ran off. A security guard blew his whistle and ran off after him.

Katie and I walked off quickly trying to find a taxi. The gathering crowd looked shocked. One asked if we are okay. We screamed that we are fine and that they should have helped us. My nose was bleeding freely all over my face and the back of my throat was tinged with blood. I coughed and cleared my throat on to the ground in bloody sputum. Katie and I walked off. We stomped out of the gathered crowd, our faces screwed at any other tryers. Katie tripped on the steep sharp curb, twisting her ankle as she fell off it. She burst into tears. I pushed people back away from us. I helped her up. She limped on. I could see car lights. People swarmed around us, a protective useless shield. In our states, we glared at them, too little too late. A man asked if we needed help finding a tuk-tuk. He led us in the direction we were walking in, down the deserted main road. We eventually found a tuk-tuk. My face was covered in blood. My beautiful nose throbbed. The tuk-tuk driver drove us two streets to our hotel and overcharged us in our hour of need. Opportunism. Thanks.

In our hotel, the apologetic hotel clerk found me some ice and some bandages for Katie. He apologised profusely for such an event, imploring us to not think Kisumu was dangerous.

In our room, we addressed my nose and dressed Katie’s ankle with some ice and we ate cold sandwiches and marvelled at our luck that the would-be mugger didn’t have a knife or worse and also that he didn’t get the bag, which contained all Katie’s money and passport and other useful bits like make-up and a reading book I hadn’t had the chance to consume yet.

I read the Lonely Planet’s dangers and annoyances section about Kisumu as we huddled together in our room, united against the outside world. It warns us against steep curbs and glue-sniffing purse-snatchers. Why oh why did I gloss over that bit in the shaky coach?

Our night was fraught with fear and paranoia. The drip-drip of taps and the tap-tap of shoes and the coo-coo of birds and the creak-creak of rooms and beds surrounded us. We whispered to each other frightened. Should we go home? Were we safe? Was everyone under suspicion? All those friendly warnings our paranoid Asian friends gave us, were they all true? Was Africa safe? Did we need to return to England? Would we be safer on the streets of fashionable Brixton, where we used to live? Of course, walking out of a bus station lamenting your disorientation and the lack of taxis and wearing a big Western tourist backpack did scream vulnerable but still, why us? We felt like victims.

The next day we got up feeling miserable. Both of us had dreamt about being attacked by unknown forces in various guises and scenarios. I went downstairs to enquire about buses back to Nairobi as we were considering just going home to the sunny safety of Mombasa. Ahh, the beach, the sea breeze, the dodgy cops, and Cinemax… lovely lovely Cinemax. It felt so far away.

As I related our tale to the worried receptionist, an American lady who overheard me approached us and told me she was a relief nurse and would look at Katie’s ankle and my nose. My nose was fine, she told me, just emotionally scarred. Katie had twisted her ankle. The nurse dressed the ankle tightly and gave her some tiger balm to ease the swelling. We decided we needed to regain our adventurous mojo so took a stumbling walk around the town in the daylight in an attempt to demystify the air of dark forces by facing them in the daylight. Unfortunately, it was foggy and cold and everyone stared at us menacingly. Kids followed us, sucking on bottles of booze, their eyes glazed and fiercely red. There was a menacing air around us. Everything seemed shut. We did not like this place. We contemplated going home the next day. Katie suggested a field trip out of the town to a fishing village on Lake Victoria to raise our spirits, as we could go back that day. We hopped in a hotel-sanctioned taxi and headed to Dunga, by Hippo Point, on Lake Victoria.

Dunga was tiny and thin, on a long stretch of road. People were surprised to see Western faces pass through and all stopped to look at us. The kids were fascinated and smiled at us, shouting ‘how are you?’ as we hobbled past. We cut up the coast of the Lake towards a beach resort where we were spotted by a bunch of playing kids. Two of them stopped, fixated by Katie and they ran up to her. They stopped in front of her and she greeted them with a smile. They touched her skin, fascinated by its whiteness. One of them rubbed a mole on her arm. One kid was playful, funny and full of giggles. The other had a distended stomach, bites all over his face and legs and an unhappy grimace. He was extremely clingy. He took to Katie and grabbed her little finger with his entire small hand, melting our hearts. The other kid did the same with her other hand and they walked silently with us as we walked to the beach resort. Everyone we passed laughed at them, obviously knowing who the children belonged to. There was no fear here, like in Britain where we fear the paedos and the crack so we lock our children up in front of Playstations and Sky Plus boxes. Here, children were free and if they wanted to escort two fearful Westerners to a hotel on the Lake, then that’s what they would do. No one tried to sell us anything, no one hassled us, everyone just smiled and laughed. Mostly because we were walking, Katie was hobbling in a comedic way and there was no barrier of a car.

The unhappy kid eventually grabbed my little finger as well and we became a huge walking family. Our fears started to dissipate. These children were melting our hearts. I considered doing a Madonna and adopting one. When we arrived at our destination, it took some effort to disconnect ourselves from the kids. We considered taking them inside for a snack but disapproving looks from the doorman made them scarper before we could challenge the social taboos. We had a drink of tea inside and marvelled at this oasis of luxury in the middle of a poor fishing village.

Later, we went up to Hippo Point on Lake Victoria, which was the best place to see hippos in this part of the lake. We got on a rickety wooden boat with some other Kenyan tourists and a man I swear to this day was Sir David Attenborough, and we paddled out on to the Lake. Katie and I were careful to try not get too splashed by the water as it was notorious for being full of snail-parasites. We saw hippos and monkeys and fishermen. A hippo reared its head not far from the boat and started to give it chase, giving us a momentary panic. Everyone, it seemed, was out to get us. Through conversation with one of the guides on the boat, we discovered that Kisumu was changing. It used to be a thriving port town, but now there was nothing, no industry, no work and children, with no hope of future employment, were turning more and more to robbery and drink. He said that all the kids in the street had the dead red-eyes of glue-sniffing and they were ruthless. He told us we were lucky. He told us of two incidents of vigilante justice in the last year: One, where a would-be mugger was shot by the guy he was trying to mug. Another, where a would-be mugger tried to mug a Japanese tourist. The Japanese tourist broke his arm first and then gave him the money anyway. Pure badass. The guide marvelled at our luck that the would-be mugger didn’t have a knife or worse. The sun shone off Lake Victoria as we sailed, the water itself was brown with mud and contained potentially violent hippos or parasites, but it was so beautiful. We watched monkeys swing from sausage trees to scoop up handfuls of water. We watched the far-off glimmer of Tanzania. We saw ghosts of a former industry left to ruin in favour of road-destroying lorries. We soon returned to land.

After a restorative trip around Hippo Point and an encounter with police asking our boat for money to let us hit land, we felt like we were getting that spirit back, that adventurous fire. So we checked out of our hotel and drove up with a taxi driver to Kitale in the north. We were too chicken to take a matatu north. We passed members of Luo tribes, with white painted faces, headed to towns for initiation ceremonies. Our taxi driver for the day yesterday, it turned out, was planning to drive up to Kitale anyway to take his son there for Christmas. Our temporary fear of buses and matatus meant that we offered to pay his petrol and a little extra to go with him. He agreed. As we drove out of Kisumu, we drove past an incident of mob rule. A would-be mugger was being beaten by a huge crowd of people. It was a horrible sight, one of real violence and contempt. We wondered whether to call the police, until we saw them idly standing by. Mob rule was more disturbing than actual mugging. Although, it did make me wonder whether petty theft ought to be the crime of choice for Kisumu residents. None of them seem very successful at it.

The drive to Kitale was slow and bordering on boring. The roads were smoother and Chacha, our driver had better suspension than the cross-country bus. We were rising up and up into the Western Highlands and it was getting colder and colder. Along the way, we drove through 10 separate police check-points. We were stopped at 3 different ones, so the police could walk around the car and spot something wrong. Only once did a policeman manage to spot something wrong, which was the licence plates. Our driver had all the correct official paperwork showing why there was a problem with the licence plates and that it was in the process of getting sorted. The policeman caused a fuss though, and in the end, for the sake of ease, the driver gave him some money to not be difficult and we pressed on. The driver noted to us that even when you are in the right, if they want to cause a problem they will, the easiest option was to always just give them money and move on. They could cause a fuss about anything, and they would. Who would you rather? The cops or the robbers, I wondered? Police and thieves, the age-old reggae question…

In Kitale, we were dropped off in the middle of town where we wondered about for an hour taking in this bustling tiny little place. After consuming a plate of chips, we found reasonably-priced transportation to 20 km out of Kitale, a farmhouse near an equatorial swamp we wanted to visit. The farmhouse was owned by Mad Jo’s mum. Mad Jo’s mum was away so we were dealing with Mad Jo. An eccentric 50 year old ex-pat spinster with a growth defect on her arm, a shrill voice and a career in meddling, she was constantly making and changing plans for us. She was short with wild stringy mousy blonde hair, which her short arm would sometimes get caught in and she would flounder to free herself. Her constant flicks of her stringy hair usually caused the clasping. She was bossy and confusing and commanding and irritating all at once. She greeted us with a barrage of confusion about where we would be sleeping. She had so far neglected to email us a current tariff for staying with her, so when we arrived and found out how expensive the rooms were, we immediately downgraded ourselves to a tent at the back of the farmhouse. We also found out that the farmhouse was not walking distance from the swamp, as inferred in our guidebook, but a good 6km away. The tariff also hinted at hidden costs. She offered us tea and cake, which we accepted, weary from a day’s travelling and haggling with local law enforcements. She was gracious and we were thirsty. She told us she would only accept cash as cheques were useless in Kenya. This was without us engaging her in any conversations about payment. On seeing the tariffs, we started to worry about how much cash we had left. During a relaxing tea and cake, she started hustling us to take a walk of the surrounding area. She coerced us into paying one of her guides -but paying him through our final bill, so she could take her cut obviously- on taking us for this walk. She was colonial in the extreme. She had communicated with me through a dozen phone calls triple-confirming we were coming. She had earned the moniker Mad Jo. She was a master of the guilt-trip. We were a bit annoyed at her subtle coercion but it ended up being an entertaining walk.

We walked. The guide tried to flirt awkwardly with Katie, asking her if he could come visit her in the UK. He told me about his love for Wayne Rooney. We met all the local children, who ran up to us to say ‘how are you?’ and begged us to take their photo, which we did and showed them the results immediately on the camera screen. They were amazed and shrieked that they were now inside a camera. We saw fields of tea plants and fields of guava and avocado trees and coffee plant orchards and found it outside our frame of reference that this stuff was just there, growing. It had seemed in the realms of the exotic before. This was stuff you saw over-packaged in supermarkets. Here, it grew wildly and here it was farmed and here it was a normal sight. The kids kept coming, thick and fast, fascinated with Katie’s skin. When she replied to their ‘how are yous’ we found that they couldn’t reply, so we switched to our pidgin Swahili and they were amazed that we could speak their Daviduage. Later Mad Jo chided the guide for not shooing the children away and we defended him, saying it was the best part of the whole experience. We had our first hot showers in months and went up to her colonial farmhouse for our expensive half-board dinners. She put on a huge three course meal with options for meat-, fish- and vegetable eaters. There was an abundance of food. She had three smiley Kenyan servants who she commanded through the use of a bell on the table that she rang abruptly when things came to mind. We found it embarrassing, as did the other guests, an amiable Dutch family, staying there. We all smiled at the servants and tried to communicate to them with our eyes and our ‘thank yous’ and ‘pleases’ that we were sorry Mad Jo was so bossy, and a bit Victorian England in her treatment of them. No one should be summoned by bell. There was no upstairs and no downstairs here. Status remained important here.

We went to sleep that night, in an outside tent, freezing, with hot water bottles, creepy crawlies dropping by, strange moonlit sounds echoing around us. We huddled in one of the tent’s single beds, shivering and trying to fall asleep in the pitch black surroundings.

The next day in the farmhouse, we were bombarded with a full English breakfast to set us up for the day. Over breakfast, we agreed with the Dutch family to all go to the swamp together the next day. That way, they could drive us and we could split the charge of the expensive swamp guide, much to Mad Jo’s annoyance. She was haemorrhaging money here. She attempted to convince us that the Dutch family’s car was too small and we were imposing on them, but we ignored her. She repeatedly checked with them whether they minded us tagging along. They told her it was fine. She told us we were being rude. We said it was fine. She saw the money she was losing set aflame in her mind’s eye and sloped off to assert some power over someone. Minutes later, we heard shouting from the kitchen.

Saiwa Swamp is famous for being the home of evolved antelope that are now semi-aquatic and spend their time submerged in water, so we were anxious to see this natural anomaly.

We headed out with flirty Benson, the guide from yesterday to a nearby waterfall. We took a matatu to the next village where we caught a taxi up to the hills looking up towards Mount Elgon on the Ugandan border. There, we trekked down towards a waterfall. Benson was more subdued today. He mentioned something about a telling off from Mad Jo about letting us near the locals. We said we would put in a good word for him. Katie reassured him. He said it was better to not say anything at all. She was good at twisting words, he thought. As we started to descend towards the edge of the waterfall, my vertigo kicked in. I started to feel like the wind was pushing me towards the edge, calling me to jump or fall into the expanse before me. I was being dragged down and to the side. My legs were shaky and my mind was all over the place. Katie and Benson continued down to the edge, while I sat in a field of grazing cows and tried to calm down a little. I breathed in and out; I slow my breath down to a regular beat and wrote some quick thoughts down in a notebook braving the elements. They soon returned and we walked back to where we left the taxi, to find that the taxi was no longer there. There was a trail of tyre scrapes and nothingness into the distance.

Our guide lost his cool and started cursing the taxi driver. He was supposed to be a friend of Benson’s, but he had driven off, leaving us stranded in the hills, next to a scenically colourful Pentecostal church where they were singing in a multitude of Daviduages from English to Swahili to Latin, and a red soiled dirt track. Plus, the driver had driven off with Benson’s only waterproof jacket. He was not happy. His cool flirty façade slipped. He seemed a lot more real in that moment. His genuine annoyance was in stark contrast to the polished jovial flirty guide that Mad Jo had been training up since he was 13.. We trekked 2 miles back up to the main road and waited for passing cars to stop and assist us.

Some kids came out to play with us. Their mad dad soon joined them, wild dreads under his beret, slightly insane tone to his English accent, he was a wonderfully colourful character. He laughed at our predicament when Benson explained it to him. He laughed at us and offered to take us to his home, which was behind us, women peering out of windows at these strange strangers. The surprise always came when we weren’t in cars. Used to walking, tubing and cycling everywhere, it was normal for us to walk five/ten/fifteen minutes down the road. Going to the internet café every morning, I found everyone smiling at me, actually walking, actually outside. We declined as we were waiting for the possibility of cars on this remote road. Pigs squeaked, long grass swayed, shacks surrounded, there was nothing else for miles around. This was a gloriously beautiful spot, away from anything that offered Western comfort. I felt that fleeting pang of being in Africa. This is realer than Nyali, I kept thinking. T-I-A… This Is Africa. The mad dad kept us company. He asked where I was from. I replied, ‘England’ and he told me he didn’t believe me. I didn’t look white. I ran him through the condensed history of me, through the gamut of my parent’s origins in India, Kenya and Aden and he laughed and said that I could not say I was an international person because it was obvious my heart is in England, so I must be English. He said, it’s important to know where your heart feels most at home. He winked at me and let this sage advice sit with me. He looked at Benson and told him he could help us with our stranded predicament.

He called his brother-in-law who owned a taxi, and half an hour later, he arrived to pick us up and drive us back to the village where we got the original taxi from.

In the village, Benson seethed and said he needed to wait for the taxi driver to re-emerge so he could get his jacket back. Katie and I decided to go back to the farmhouse and told Benson to point us to the right matatu and leave us to it, as he lived near this village and it made no sense to us for him to drop us off and come back again on a pointless round-trip. We had taken matatus before. We could cope. He explained that he couldn’t let us go back alone, and he certainly couldn’t bring us back early as Mad Jo would be angry. We told him that either way it was our choice what we wanted to do as it was our holiday. We said that we would go back but he should just go home. He protested, saying that Mad Jo would tell him off for allowing us to go home unaccompanied. We noted aloud that she sounded like a difficult boss. We could do what we wanted. If we felt comfortable going back, surely we could. It would be a 90 minute round-trip for him. It was pointless. She sounded crazy. His knowing smile spoke volumes. We decided to wait with him for the taxi driver who had stranded us, so Benson could get his jacket back. We waited an hour, walking through the narrow rural markets, picking through charity shop clothes from the UK and US, marvelling at the New York chic second-hand shop dream t-shirts in front of us, wondering if we could make a killing on Brick Lane with T-shirts advertising the Alabama Hawkwinds and Joe’s Diner and Bob’s Repair Shop and every generic profession and small-town football town that ever existed.

The taxi driver eventually returned. This lead to a tense showdown between the taxi driver and Benson. Benson climbed into his car and they had a heated argument. Benson grabbed his jacket and wrenched it in his clenched fists. Benson, looking like he may lash out at the driver, caught sight of us in the corner of his eye, remembered himself, wrenched his jacket out of the car and led us away, grinding his teeth. He told us that the driver’s excuse was nothing more than ‘I didn’t know if you would be coming back.’

Back at the farmhouse, we met a new arrival, an American called Jenny travelling on her own. Mad Jo approached Katie and ordered her to make friends with Jenny, ‘unless, of course, your boyfriend values his privacy too much’ she added snidely, referring to my argumentative ways. Jenny was travelling alone and came to the farmhouse on the same pretext that we did, that it appeared close to the swamp. We learned that since her arrival Jenny had also been subjected to some Mad Jo-isms in the last hour. She had been banned from coming to dinner tonight as this would upset the table arrangements already laid out. She could have soup as long as she was finished 30 minutes before we wanted to start. She could however sit in an armchair by the fire. The look in Mad Jo’s eyes when Jenny moved the armchair around to face the dinner table could have floored a hippopotamus in hot pursuit. She has also been forbidden from going to the swamp with the Dutch family and us the following day, or even asking permission as this would disturb the other guests. This would not be appropriate. Mad Jo sent us over some tea and cake while Jenny related all this to us.

Over dinner, we learned more about Mad Jo. She was not in Saiwa out of choice. Her mum was ill, and so she has been summoned from the coast to help with the running of the farmhouse as her mum refused to move. Mad Jo had now been here since 1997. She grew up in Kenya. Mad Jo’s family were some of the original settlers. They were now the only ones left in the area and Mad Jo’s father had helped to turn the swamp into national parkland. We started to understand, but not accept, her Victorian attitude to servitude and money a lot better now that we knew that she was not in fact an ex-pat. She was the generational remnants of a white colonialist, one of the originals and one of the last few remaining. This did not excuse the horrid attitude she carried towards her black staff, nor the rigid way she insisted those around her conducted themselves.

During dinner, the Dutch family invited Jenny to come with us all to the swamp, as it made no sense paying three different guides when we could all pay one. Mad Jo’s face turned sour, turning green with the colour of money she would not be making through the backdoor. As we all said our goodnights, Mad Jo, in an attempt to confuse Jenny, asked her what her plans were for the next day. Jenny stated that she was going to the swamp with the rest of us. Mad Jo asked her how she planned on getting there as the Dutch family had said they had no room for her. She said she would manage somehow, deciding that ignoring her is better than fighting her on her home turf.

Saturday morning and we were up at 6am to go see these mythical semi-aquatic antelope. We all squeezed into the Dutch car. Mad Jo came out to note surprise at all the tag-a-longs. She told the Dutch family she apologised for the situation and they were able to say no if they wished. The leader of the Dutch troupe told Mad Jo definitively that she personallyhad invited us all. Jo watched us as we drove away twirling her hair with her shorter arm, chewing her bottom lip.

After a trek around a park disturbing the mythical evolved creatures, we returned to the farmhouse, packed up and settled up with Mad Jo. We discovered that Mad Jo had been sneakily charging us for all those benevolent cups of tea and pieces of cake. We would have to we pay her by cheque as we did not have enough cash. The hidden costs she had added pushed us over the budget for the rest of our entire trip. We still had 4 days to go. She made us add a handling charge, and a service charge for all her staff. She tried to test my honesty by writing the wrong number of beers down on the bill, before questioning me on how many I drank, just to see what I would say. I couldn’t remember and had assumed the beers were part of the exorbitant cost. She caught me out, as I was unable to remember, it being her responsibility to keep tabs not mine.

‘I can’t remember. Three?’

‘I think it was more like four wasn’t it?’

We paid, worried about cash and head back into Kitale.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Smoking on the mic like Smokin' Joe Frazier

The hellraiser... raising hell with the flava.

Yesterday I met with the incredible Marc Lee Brown and BuzzLightBrown (my future Bhangra Pistol). Three musical minds, in a pub, playing Joy Division and Belle and Sebastian, and what did we talk about? Vocoders; Logic plug-ins; basslines? No- films and television cop shows. We spent a good hour discussing the finer points of Slumdog Millionaire, the lesser points of The Shield and the wilder side of Will Smith. It was a real dichotomy to what we should have been talking about. Music, man... music. We did live twitters from the pub and tried our best to keep warm. Marc told us about his latest work, nurturing a talent called Ishen Amara, a gifted young songwriter. BuzzLightBrown told us about his dayjob doing webshit. And I lectured everyone on the importance of Oxford commas, which they didn't give a f*** about.

Later the iPhone came out and Buzz showed us an amazing new plug-in application where you can have a virtual MPC player on your iPhone so you can have 16 pads, cut up your own samples and tap in your own beats. Incredible. We played about with it. Then after Marc left, Buzz and I started brainstorming lyrics hooks and ideas for Bhangra Pistols. The only problem was, we were two thirty year olds sat in a pub in Camden freestyling, attracting stares from the indie-a-like droids around us, all perturbed by our rhyming apparations, trying our hardest to sound scattological like Ghostface or Doom or poignant and political like Chuck D or Nas.

Things we learned last night:

1) Will Smith should stick to big Willie style films.
2) iPhones rule.
3) Twittering from the pub is pointless.
4) Haloumi kebabs rule.
5) Marc Lee Brown needs more sleep.

The end.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Zing!

Yesterday I told a lead balloon joke to a surly teenage till tart in Topman while trying to pay for a pair of jeans. I had an abundance of coins with me, a pride of pound coins and insisted on paying for my jeans with 25 of them. They’re good honest tender so no problem surely? As I counted them out, he looked up in panic at the thought of having to count rather than get his till to ‘do the math’ and said:

‘How, like, have you got, like, so many coins?’

Quick as a flash and with the spirit of spontaneity, I replied: ‘My mum’s a stripper.’

Lightening zing.

He looked confused. I immediately thought, damn he’s quite young and maybe doesn’t know about strip bars when you put a pound in a pint glass. Maybe he was feeling guilty cos he’d been to one the night before. Maybe his mum was actually a stripper and he was a bit sensitive about it. Maybe he was confused.

‘Oh.’

He replied.

Oh. Oh? OH? What the frak? That was comedy gold, delivered in the spirit of spontaneity. I’ve never had a zinger like that before. I was so proud and yet he stood there nonplussed at my joke. I’m wasted on teenagers, I thought. I looked at him as he surlily counted up the change, using his fingers to keep track of the coins. And I thought, great, grunge is back in fashion. He had the long blonde coiffure Kurt Cobain hair, a red checked shirt and Soundgarden trousers. And I stood there thinking, I am officially old. Fashions that were fashionable when I was at an age to be concerned with fashion are now retro. I am officially old. I am old. I am past it. What’s the point of trying to start a new band? What’s the point of Bhangra Pistols? What’s the point of trying to keep up with current trends? I should start digging in the garm-chives for old t-shirts with smiley faces on them. I am old. Old old old.

This weekend involved the following:

- Houseguests having loud nookie when they were supposed to be preparing to leave our house.
- A burst radiator.
- An insanely thrilling new episode of Battlestar Galactica.
- Listening to Belle and Sebastian ‘Dear Catastrophe Waitress’; Moldy Peaches ‘Unreleased and live’; Clap Your Hands Say Yeah’s first album; a Willy Mason album I didn’t enjoy; Beirut’s first album, Gulag Orchestra; and Adam Green’s first album. Fun.
- Listening to a scary man singing ‘You Raise Me Up’ and ‘Put a Ring On It’ on the bus at top volume and then shouting at people for staring at him.
- Watching my neighbour steal the angry man next door’s wheelie bin.
- Overreacting to the burst radiator and calling the police to force an entry to the upstairs flat to turn their heating off.
- A credit-crunch-beating-dinner.
- Dancing to riot grrl in Brixton’s fine Jamm with my intended-betrothed.
- Getting sullenly angry with houseguests.
- Twittering too much.
- New 30 Rock, Scrubs and The Office in one binge.

Pretty successful.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Where did it all go right?

Despite having been on radio 1 and 4 and 6music and loads of different radio stations and podcasts and other things I shouldn't namedrop/show-off about, I was pleased to make today's Collings and Herrin podcast, hosted by Andrew Collins- an obsessive compulsive journalist and Richard Herring- the amazing comedian I worshipped alongside Stewart Lee as a teenager wanting to be funny but wanting to see awkward people like me get far. Fist of Fun was such a seminal part of my growing up, strutting round school screaming 'green jelly' or 'I am Rod Hull' to friends as part of our collective experience, the catchphrases of others (see 'iranu' and 'uvavu' and cooing the dove from above). That was how we related to each other, a collection of sounds and repetitive words strung together, reliving whole sketches and sections of programmes as our joint memories, our nostalgialators giving us the televisual work of others as things to reminisce about. So, when I twittered last night with Richard Herring and again this morning as he prepared to record his podcast, I made it on, getting a mention in the first five minutes. Unfortunately, it was at the expense of poor old Andrew Collins but the fact that I made it was great enough. I've finally linked with a comedian who helped with my writing as his deconstructionalist approach to writing comedy was always a great analytical insight into the components of effective jokes and punchy writing. I am officially happy.

I like this song at the moment:

(Bon Iver - Skinny Love)


Ignore the fact that it's in Japanese... new footage!

Fighting Fat

I’m fat, and I’m obsessed with my weight.

There, I declared it, like we’re at a Fatties Anonymous meeting. I balloon up and down like a bungee jump of pounds piling on and off. I lead a lifestyle that involves soundchecking when I should be cooking, and performing when I should be eating, and eating when I should be sleeping. And drinking beer consistently. So after getting some random Twitter advice from comedian Richard Herring (some people go on Twitter to follow and fawn at celebrities), it appears I go on to get dietary tips. Well, he was very nice and recommended www.fitday.com, where you keep a food diary and an activity diary. I learnt yesterday that just by having a professional lifestyle where I’m ‘mostly seated, with some movement’, I automatically burn 3,093 calories. So typing this now, constituting the movement of furious finger-tapping must be a good few hundred calories worth of effort. Who said blogging was a waste of time? As you have to write everything down and find the appropriate calorie profile for it (or customise your own food entry for when your mum sends you home-made samosas with your dad), you get a distinct view of your eating habits. I get to look at charts monitoring my progress and weight lost versus weight expected to lose. I have to lose 0.25 pounds a day to reach my optimum weight by the time my wedding arrives. Oh yeah, and according to the draconic measures of the fatty chart, I am narrowly mildly obese for my height. So, my optimum weight by the time my wedding comes around would be just ‘healthy.’ I’m getting obsessed, trying not to fall apart at midnight at drink loads of beer and have a chicken curry with egg-fried rice on the way home. I’m getting up 37 minutes earlier to be able to change, warm-up and do a quick thirty minute exercise. I’m up picking up foods to eat that have the calories written on the packet. I’m monitoring. I’m getting obsessed. Yesterday I went in to buy some healthy snacks from the supermarket and found myself in the Slimfast range staring at their healthy 100 calorie snacks of chocolate and peanut butter and other things and a Slimfast shake of peach and mango, and I thought why not? At lunchtime, I scoffed it all down, feeling painfully hungry and agitated afterwards, entering my stats into the website and watching the breakdowns filter down through my eyes like matrix code and I thought, holy moly dom joly, I’m due an eating disorder about 13 years too late? Now that I work with dad, and thus see my mum less because I don’t need to ever see my dad really, she keeps sending homecooked food with him so I remember her fondly. I can’t resist but according to this website, Indian food ain’t too good on the ol’ calorie front. I worked out that I can drink 20 beers in a day and meet my calorie allowance. Maybe I’ll turn to alcoholism to get me through this difficult time.

While we’re on the subject of mental obsessions, we all know Kanye West can be precious. His ‘why can’t you let me be great’ rant on his blog was a highlight, proving the man can’t really take a joke, especially about himself. His latest album, a difficult post-breakup/mum-death musing, called ‘808s and Heartbreaks’ was met with much bemusement in his autotuned vocoder singing voice and his soul-bearing confessional tone, a novelty considering his world-beating usual bravado. I won’t listen to ‘808s and Heartbreaks’ again, the listen was that painful, and I’ll never review it because the only time I heard it, I struggled to get to track 5 before turning it off. The beats were incredible. But anyway, the point is, Kanye is an immense lyricist, full of charm and charisma, and would you believe, humour. So, hearing him on the new N.A.S.A. album with Lykke Li and Santogold, on an proper electro-hop tip, destroying a beat with his off-beat drawl and sick lyrics is a real joy. It’s the obvious stand-out single. It’s absolutely incredible. I’ll be reviewing N.A.S.A.’s album tomorrow, but in the meantime, just know... Yeezy is back.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Writing

I’m writing a new project at the moment that’s quite abstract and dreamy. It takes place in and out of different realities and different timescales, works on the power of real and fake memories, doesn’t always follow a linear pattern and often breaks that fourth wall by acknowledging the conventions of literature and trying its hardest to break them. It’s an interesting piece of work to immerse yourself in because often I don’t have to break any rules as the piece seems to exist outside of them. I’m always inspired by things like Wes Anderson films, that don’t follow a typical narrative strand, or meta-fiction like Charlie Kaufman that plays with the illusion of realities within fiction. Writing yourself into the plot of a film you feel is too ambitious to write is one of my favourite celluloid moments. Dave Eggers is good at playing with the idea of what a book is, striving to create a package that is so much more than the words, like McSweeneys or the entire impressive gamut of ‘A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.’ There are so many different ideas now of what fiction could be that trying to cover new ground is almost impossible. This book works as a perchance to a dream, it seems to be taking the shape of a trail of thoughts, how memory works linking strands in like six degrees of separation, a spiderweb of anecdotes that comprise your life, from the quieter moments to the ones refined and reworked till they work in party situations, taking on a new form of reality, becoming a ‘bit’, a piece of your reality that works better as a fictionalised bit of humour or shock and awe. I know how the book starts and I know how it ends and it cannot deviate from those two strict points for the crux to work. It’s fun wading through the middle not knowing entirely if it will work. it’s an ambitious piece of work, asking a lot of its reader, asking for suspensions upon suspensions of disbelief. I don’t know, at this stage, if the finished product will ever see the light of day but it’s nice to throw yourself into a new piece of work.

Recently I have:

- Watched ‘No Heroics’ as an experiment as I wrote a script on the exact same idea that a commissioner liked but said had just been made. I like it, and it does my idea better. Mine was more narrative based where this done the situational observations and universe jokes much better.
- Listened to N.A.S.A.s ‘Spirit of Apollo’ album. With a guestlist of MIA, Rza, Ghostface, Method Man, Karen O, Nick Zinner, Santogold, David Byrne, Tom Waits, E-40, SpankRock and others, it’s an impressive castlist rocking out some amazing beats. Most eclectic album of the year so far and destined to be the hipster’s chosen hip-hop product for 2009.
- Read Art Spiegelman’s Breakdowns (and heard Christian Bale’s- arf) and it is a special piece of work.
- Stopped going out practically.
- Started rehearsing for a one-off Britishness Test next month.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Flakey

Snow is a great leveller. Yesterday’s snow-day brought out everyone to play. The privileged and the poor, the xxxtreme sports nuts and the yummy mummys. The photographers and writers. The workers and the worked. It was amazing strolling through local Alexandra Palace watching everyone revel in the blanket of white all around us. Importantly, it was nice seeing children and teenagers act as they should once more. The snow is a great leveller. The nostalgia and novelty was enough for snowfans to throw themselves about, dodging toboggans and sleds, snowboards and snowballs and just be children again. Having fun. Enjoying themselves regardless. There was no aggyness, no pebble-core snowballs, no fighting, just a reverence. Snow is a great leveller.

The first exchange that made me think ‘Oh, that’s what rudeboys do when it snows... they don’t go shanking fools in the park, they have fun...’ went like this. It was heart-warmingly cute. Two rudeboys looking immaculate in their white Nike hoodies and tracksuits tear up the hill with toys under their arms. They are both in their teens, and usually hang around down our road going up to front windows and staring in:

TEEN1: Bruv, this snow is long yagetme.
TEEN2: Shut up cuz... when we get to the top, it’ll be real.
TEEN1: Yeah but... come on man is it safe?
TEEN2: You think you’re gonna fall you just throw yourself off.
TEEN1: So either way I fall?
TEEN2: Look, bruv, let’s get to the top. Get the best spot. Fresh powder.
TEEN1: Yah... safe...
TEEN1: Yo bruv...
TEEN2: Yes mate.
TEEN1: Does it hurt when you fall?
TEEN2: I dunno, I ain’t ever fallen. I imagine so.
TEEN1: Yeah me too. You done this before?
TEEN2: Nah... first time...
TEEN1: Is it safe?
TEEN2: We’ll find out...
TEEN1: No one else is using a potato sack as a sled though bruv.
TEEN2: Exactly... we ride in style.

The second exchange, on the same hill, came from another cross-section of Alexandra Park society. The blond teenagers with messy floppy hair and military blazers with foppish scarves all stand in a circle throwing snowballs at each other from far too close.

TEEN1: Edward, you cad.
TEEN2: Darling, you were screaming for it?
TEEN1: But did I deserve it? Did the punishment fit the crime?
TEEN2: Darling, the punishment meted out matched the crime in act and intent.
TEEN1: Babes, don’t try and be funny. I am soaking now. Mother is going to destroy me.
TEEN2: She won’t, she’ll wrap you up warm and feed you soup. In fact, can we all come for soup?
TEEN1: It depends. How are you on winter vegetable?
TEEN2: I’m not too partial to swede.
TEEN1: Swede is not a winter vegetable you barbarian.
TEEN2: I do believe school’s going to be cancelled tomorrow.
TEEN1: Wonderful. Oh, and Edward?
TEEN2: Yes?
SMASH!!!! FACEFUL OF SNOWY REVENGE.

And thus, my faith in the youth of today and tomorrow was restored, they were given a reprieved and the world was momentarily unf*cked.

Monday, 2 February 2009

Charge of the PC Brigade

Strange weekend abounds.

On Friday, a story breaks in the newspaper that my publisher has changed the words of a famous children's song. The accusation is that it has been changed to be more PC as the original contains references to drunkenness and torture. Actually, it was changed for other reasons, and four months ago. Now the story has broken in the paper and the knives are. We field phonecalls from concerned citizens. We monitor newspaper messageboards go nuts. All over a sea shanty. Apparently we are destroying the core of Britain. The reactionary complaint mechanism of a Britain so defensive of its inability to harness its existing identity into a series of codecs, instead sweating the small stuff, unwilling to realise that their identity is clear for everyone else. Yet, this is another nail in the coffin for Nanny Britain, they tell us seething with rage. Actually, this is a nail in the coffin for forward-thinking Britain. Unable to know your history to shape your futures, marginalised sections of society feel they need to hold on to tiny parsecs of their culture, not knowing who they are. I want to help, I've struggled with my identity too. But I got to its core and I can help you Sun readers. First step, take a deep breath. Realise that this sea shanty is not important, it doesn't ruin the memory of your war hero ancestors, changing it is not rewriting history. Instead, you're changing the course that has been set out for Great Britain; you're stifling the children of the future with your inability to move forward.

On Saturday, we attend a wedding where two odd occurrences hold court. Firstly, the DJ looks like a thumb. There is no discernible distinction between chin and neck. Not only that but he's burly and bald and standing behind the decks like a bouncer. No one feels like dancing because they're scared of him injecting and ejecting them from the premises 'cos their name's not daaaahn.' He's stood next to a seated Pat Butcher-a-like, performing no obvious function other than staring at him morosely. Maybe she is Death and has promised him one last hurrah between taking him to the netherworlds. He keeps playing the same songs again, spiking the volumes up and down, staring in disbelief at an empty dancefloor and wondering why, when he goes from a hit to something obscure and poppy, no one is interested. He blows his wad in the first 45 minutes by playing all the uptempo wedding songs. By the end he's run out of CDs and is repeating a set, as if it's all preprogrammed on CD anyway. He tries playing Scooter but an audible groan and clearing of people makes him take it off. He forces the bride and groom to have the Hokie Cokie as their final dance. He smiles blankly as he packs up, knowing he'll be complaining about our lack of enthusiasm in the pub tomorrow.

I am introduced to a bewildered wedding guest as 'an Indian' which helps the confusion subside.

One of the guests is Jack Bauer. Or at least an English version of him. A soldier who is currently seeing action, obviously going through some things in his head, dealing with the lack of humanity in soldiering and then going to the ultimate love-in of a wedding. No one wants to engage him for fear of a lethal judo-chop when our feelings about the war emerge. He sits in the corner and seethes at the DJ spending the evening piping up with new and interesting ways to take him out and destroy him. He says that if we check out late due to oversleeping and if the hotel clamps our car, he'll run to the nearest B&Q, buy a bolt cutter and destroy their hotel with it. He is Jack Bauer- tightly wound and ready to spring into actionat any second. He gets drunk and we play some quiz machines later on. He threatens the machine when we get answers wrong, expecting it to fold under his super soldier gaze. I feel like the biggest wimp in the world. Now I know what Jack Bauer at a wedding would be like.

Frightening.

Holla at me on Twitter.

Friday, 30 January 2009

kabaddikabaddikabaddi

In the absence of much to say, apart from the chronic fatigue I am immersed in, here are ten things I currently really like:

1) Micachu and the Shapes’ debut album- a swirl and mesh of avant-garde pop, concise and tight. Just when songs sound like they might fall away, they’re brought back from the brink, flip-flopping through two or three different songs at once. Micachu’s punky lyrics and scuzzy child’s guitar whirr away at the epicentre of glitches, bleeps, boops and high-calibre electronics and grime riddims from The Shapes. Album of the year. I heard it in January but it’s been pushed back to April. Essential.
2) Jack Bauer- his dedication to his country and his album to be the best he can be all the time is truly astounding. In episode 6 this week, seconds after he’d buried an FBI agent alive, she was rescued by Bill and Chloe. Forget the scary darkies and the wetbag president- it’s all Jack all the time.
3) ‘Something to tell you’ by Hanif Kureishi- I met him last year and he revealed himself to be pompous in the face of adulation. And this book is complete wish fulfilment for a middle aged man. In the book, Jamal (clearly Hanif-a-like) is a 50 year old shagging stoner who is cool and sophisticated and able to relate to his teenage son by calling him ‘dog’ and ‘wha’gwan’. It’s not realistic and the plot is thin like slivers of ham, but the easy style and sardonic wit are all vintage Kureishi.
4) ‘The Bird Room’ by Chris Killen- he’s younger than me and has written an amazing debut book on Canongate, all filled with love, lust, technology, self-esteem dramas and a complete disregard for happy endings.
5) The Amazing Spider-man’s ‘character assassination’ arc. We’re only one issue in but we’re promised by the end, another shake-up to the status quo, reveal of Menace and who is the Spider-tracer killer? So far, we’ve been given a red herring in Vic being caught with a bag of Spider-tracers under his bed, but seeing as this is part 1 of 6, I’d say it’s misdirection.
6) Adam and Joe’s 6Music podcast- Stephen!!! Just coming!!! They’ve always been a firm favourite but recently they have been on fire, as have Answer Me This (with special guest Josie Long). But Adam and Joe’s podcast is funny, poignant and so easy to squeeze through with a massive grin on your face. Recent highlights have included the song wars about Australia; Stephen; a dissection of the Songsmith advert and Adam’s pirate radio stings.
7) My mate Dallas Boner’s new album. He’s awesome. Go gogogogo and seek him out on myspace. He is truly special.
8) Twitter- I’m just getting the hang of tweeting or twittering or twitting and it’s hugely more exciting than Facebook.
9) Bhangra Pistols- a new band coming from me and BuzzLightBrown this year, just as soon as we sit down to record. Let’s Hug It Out Bitch.
10) Kabaddi- I’m researching the sport of kabaddi for a film and am immersed in its lawlessness and insanity. Essentially, it’s a mixture of wrestling, skipping and swimming underwater. It’s patronised by burly Sikh warriors and wiry slumdogs. It’s amazing.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

The joys of networking reloaded

‘Hi.’
‘Hello.’
‘What is your connection to the event?’
‘I’m an up-and-coming author.’
‘Ooh, look! Canapes. Excuse me...’

Who do you think initiated that conversation last night at a book reading in a swanky agency’s conference room? Sadly, it was me. And I threw the poor peer of mine to the curb as soon as I realised he could do nothing for me. I didn’t care that he could inspire me and mentor me and perhaps be a good creative friend, someone to share experiences and advice with, someone to bounce ideas off. I was a shark, and he was a guppy. We were both there for a single-minded mission. I left him to it.

What have I become?

It seems years ago now that I stood in an awards ceremony’s reception and repeatedly embarrassed myself in front of the most important agents and publishers in the industry. Now I was a stone-cold tiger shark predatory machine ready to impress myself on people. Except I wasn’t. I just wasn’t being nice about it anymore. I was still awkward and embarrassed hovering in the centre of a room alone not knowing anyone. A friend and I had agreed to attend the event if we both spoke to 3 possible contacts each, independently of each other and people we, well she, knew. Thusfar we had both hovered and talked to each other and stuck to her merry band of friends. Awkward. Everyone around us was in a whirlwind of buzz and conversation, making deals and discussing up-and-comers and setting tastes and tones for the year. Neither of us would be on any of their lists on their lips as we were a bank of nerves circulating round the room like carbon dioxide tinged with red wine.

I became the tiger shark predator thing. And that exchange happened. And as I was crushing a mushroom vol-au-vent in my mouth, suddenly thought, ‘I am such a nerd. Come on, man up. Do what you came here for.’

I talked to Jack, incidentally an agent who looked like Jack from Eastenders. He was suave and Scottish and insisted on talking about The Wire, which much as I love, meant everytime I tried to clunk in another reference to my work, it was lost in his reverence of televisual melodrama. I talked to Helena who had become an agent to further her own writing career. Like me and my job, she’s attacking from within. We got caught in a loop of being able to help the other out as a writer but ultimately more concerned about ourselves, like selfish mirrors dancing with each other in a surrealist’s jelly forest.

Eventually, I latched on to Joe, a poetical uberwunderkind who was reading that evening, a sparkling talent full of thoughtfulness and interest. We talked for a good hour about writing and the ‘process’ and as we parted in the train station, felt like we had both connected on a spiritual level. I shook his hand. He gave me a friendly hug as if to say we were on a journey.... man so don't worry. I stood on the escalator listening to two drunk girls enthuse about The Mighty Boosh, and thought, I wonder who that writer I fobbed off was. Cos when I actually started talking to a peer about creativity and writing and not an agent with the sole purpose of selling myself, I felt like I actually had something worthwhile to say.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Smugson and son

I got my dad a job. And he smiled. For the first time in months. And I got to smile back like a smug son. I had done good for my pa. I had found him a job. Where I work. Hold on a minute- where I work? What the frak? What the dealio? I suddenly panicked about stupid superficial things like, what if he overhears people complaining about me? What if people don’t like him? Do I have to have lunch with him every single day? Will I still want to come home and visit my folks if I see my dad? Now we’re equals, will I think differently of him? Then I stopped... saw his smile and stopped being selfish. In an instant I had helped to heal a heartbroken man and nothing else mattered.

His first day was spent reading up on the organisation and familiarising himself with new people and new systems. He seemed to take to it, looking completely absorbed everytime I went to check on him and make sure he was coping. The commute is quite far and I was worried about his energy levels. Luckily, he was just happy to be not worrying about money for a bit. He was happy to be busy and to be working and to be immersed in something he clearly loved. People reacted as expected, a little weirded out but ultimately loving his affable smiley personality. They don’t know the backstory, they don’t know why I would ever consider getting my father a job in the place where I work. It doesn’t matter anymore- he’s part of the team and the background and I feel like a good son, I feel like I’ve helped my father who helped me all those years. A friend wondered whether this was going to be bad for me. It won't. I don't begrudge spending time with my dad. He doesn’t have the relationship I do with my dad. Kenya changed us, quickened our steps into synchronicity. I understood him and I appreciated his struggle and nothing I did for him and with him after that was born out of tedious family obligation, it was born out of pure love.

Last night, I willed my brain to work. I have an idea and I’m waiting for it to come to fruition. It’s a good idea and potentially the one that makes me, as most ideas seem to be at this stage of abstraction. My brain wasn’t complying with my silent frustrated squeals for ideas. They weren’t fermenting or bubbling, they weren’t coming. I fell asleep tortured and dreamt about streams of Twitter text falling down the page like lines of green Matrix code, a disturbed sleep with the dull hum of electronic noise pulsing in the background.

This morning, listening to Micachu and the Shapes’ amazingly electric album on my way to the post office, in the rain, my mind lost to images, those ideas came, streaming into my brain falling down my mind’s eye like lines of green Matrix code. Finally, we were cooking with fuel, fired up and with a mixed metaphor in my step, I set about rushing through the rest of my chores running the ideas through my brain repeatedly till I had a chance to write them down. I now have an ending. Funny how the brain sometimes works.

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

I gotchu open

Open mics bring out the crazies. And you’re left with a stomach churn of unease: either this is so brilliant and avant-garde and my pretensions aren’t sophisticated to appreciate this or this guy is batshit crazy. Yesterday was a prime rib of good bad open miccing, all with the spirit of comraderie and community that makes squat parties the ultimate in self-indulgent democratic free-spirit dross, all with the blessings of the oneness of our souls. First up was a Dutch pianist, or was he. The long drawn out corridor feel of the place wasn’t amenable to his quiet sparse humour and heavily-scripted inability to improvise- surely a comedian’s core tool? He would occasionally launch into context-less plumes of vaudeville piano. Pity we couldn’t hear him. A carefully prepared and reworked set of material based on an unfunny idea was suddenly rendered useless by its lack of crowd-engaging dynamism. This was followed by a man in a Mozart wig and General Haig moustache, a tuxedo and a fat suit underneath. He was pretending to be French.

‘Zis,’ he announced...
‘Zis is ‘ow yoo bowl an egg...’
‘Zis is ow yoo bowl an egg.’

People were giggling. I was missing something. What was I missing? I was infuriated at my inability to penetrate this thick slice of avant-garde comic poetry. This slick meditation on our lives and times and the inner complexities of our souls. Before I could even begin to pass through the mist of material, it was over. He was replaced by a guy gurning with attitude and street smarts, he was bare bad an’ting ya get me. He grabbed the mic.

‘Yo, we’re about to get live in here. This is real life, ya get me. I’m gonna bring it to you straight cos y’all play it safe and cushty in your nine to fives... you don’t know about real life. This first song I’m gonna do for you is about a kidnapping gone wrong. Cos sometimes, things go wrong, especially when you’re doing a kidnapping. That’s real life...’

At this point, I’m thinking- if this is his real life, does he kidnap a lot of people? Might he hold us all hostage if we don’t buy his mixtape after the gig? How many kidnappings has he done? How has he done enough kidnappings to know what a kidnapping gone wrong feels like.

‘So yeah... drop the beat...’ A two bar sample over a four bar drum beat comes in. ‘This is about a kidnapping gone wrong. It’s called “Wrong Kidnapping.”’

He launches into a scary yet faintly ridiculous story about kidnapping a schoolgirl to make her dad pay up and falling in love with her. It’s gone wrong. But ultimately he triumphs and gets the cash and the girl. Cos he’s real. Once he’s finished laying down the foundations of truth on us, he asks us to hush so he can spit bare truths to us. He reveals he is in his mid thirties. And he’s coming up. And he’s selling his 23rd mixtape after the show.

‘This song is about social apartheid, about how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. It’s called “Rich Get Richer.”’

At which point, I’m thinking you don’t need to explain your songs to us. They’re hardly complex. Especially if the explanatory bit is in the song title. There’s this false importance about explaining yourself. Sure some things may need a backstory but ultimately, your stuff is going to exist on an album with no explanatory notes about what it’s about (unless you wish to write the most informative and dull liner notes ever) so don’t over-explain. We get it: ‘Rich Get Richer’ hmmmmm possible about the rich getting richer.

After my set, which goes down a storm just by the context and comparison of my peers, a drunk squat-poet ambles on to stage. He lets people chat to themselves for a few seconds. He then harangues them for talking. Instead of drawing them in, he pushes them out, firing off a soupcon of polemical lines about being an agent of revolution, about how everything’s rubbish and how he, because he is conscious and politically aware, more important than you, the audience, the audience he failed to charm into listening to him. He’s replaced by a beatboxer. Beatboxing as an artform is NOT a one-trick pony. It is not a surface art. It has depth and possibility and amazing potential. Nathan 'Flutebox' Lee and Shlomo have taken it to the dizzying heights of its potential. And now everyone wants to be Flutebox or Rabbi Shlomo. Get your own tricks, beatboxers, there’s millions of things you are able to do with the artform. Whether Flutebox or Shlomo are pioneers or just well-known practisers, it doesn’t matter, they’ve become synonymous with rapping and playing the flute, and indie cover versions, and amazingly, they’ve moved on. You don’t need to copy them for an easy impress.

And that beatboxer, sadly, was then replaced with an angst-ridden busride home, worrying about my art. Open mics are a great leveller, the ultimate democratic creative privilege, a place where you grow, a place where you go to impress your peers and meet people and win over crowds of actual strangers. Open mics have built me, improved me, hurt me, grazed me, wounded me, made me want to be better everytime. Last night, on the bus home, I wondered if the open mic had changed or if I had changed. I’ll never be above open mics and using them to train and get better with my material. But I wondered if, somehow, once again, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Monday, 26 January 2009

A perfectly normal time...

The most off-putting thing about a bar or pub is seeing a bunch of girls waving a huge inflatable willy above their heads in the line going in. We were lost in Bristol and decided this was not the pub we wished to return to. So far at the pub, where we had been sat a few hours before, I had fallen over twice in the same trip, stumbling over nothing more than my own limbs; there had been a disagreement about tattoos; a drunken friend trying to impress her new paramour by trying a new ‘cool’ personality and mentioning everything to be ‘cool’; finding a stopwatch and having timed competitions involving weeing, rolling cigarettes, and getting crossword clues. We had left and decided to return. Unfortunately, the sight of said inflatable willy was enough to turn us away into the rain. We headed to a rocker pub, oozing with sticky surfaces, lightly-freckled beers and the old-man feel that tricks you into an Arcadian vision of the 60s and 70s, with Jimmy and Jimi and Jim all sprawled in the corner drinking bitters and discussing their doors of perception, man. Upstairs, we heard some noise-jam happenings and dismissed it as noodle-bore rock. It was only when one of our fair heroes ventured upstairs to grab an old friend that he discovered the noise: a bilge of crashing cymbals, droned repeated notes and scuzzy fuzzy were all coming from one man. We met Theo, local Bristol insaniac journeyman. Yes, with the use of a loop pedal building up his guitar loops, harmonics and fuzzed-out bliss-chords, he would then push his guitar behind his back, balance his plectrum between his teeth and bash out thunderous riotous rhythms. Once we realised it was one band and not an over-indulgent band, we were all suitably impressed and watched him for a bit. Ahh, the fickle flip-flop of the easily impressed. We headed to a rave with lasers and bass speakers the size of Jabba the Hut, with quivering teenagers sucking their thumbs in the corner unable to cope with the low-end rumble of a subwoofer. The floor was wet and slippery with the tears of those too young to rave first time around realising they’re now part of the nostalgerati; the sweat of the pilled-up; trampled in rain; and beer. Why people can’t confine beer to their mouths and own clothes I shall never know. It was strange being one of the three only undrugged-up people in the room. We danced and whenever we stopped out of tiredness or the repetitive rhythms getting too much, we were pounced on as slaves to the dopamine-overload begged us for more, confusing us with dealers. Moments felt like the sequence in Peep Show where Mark wants everyone to think he’s taken an E and is asking Jez for advice on how to act pilled-up. ‘I’ll be having a perfectly normal time while you’re all off your faces on drugs.’ People approached and grabbed our necks, screaming about loving it; feeling it; being at one with it. Meanwhile, we were having a perfectly normal time while they were all off their faces on drugs. It was nice to be at an unironic unpretentious rave though. Where the drum’n’bass bits were honest revisitations to my childhood folklore of jungle and not part of the nostalgerati’s time-machine tracks attitude. People actually seemed to enjoy themselves, not just pretend to because nu-rave is the new thing. Later, we were sat round while drug counsellors snorted up MDMA while we continued to have our perfectly normal time. They raved about their jobs and the desperate youths, bloodthirsty babes they dealt with everyday. Obviously, they knew enough about their jobs to be able to partition recreation and addition but it seemed like a strange paradox. I fell asleep, having had a perfectly normal time with beer and meatballs, waking up the next day to a good ol’fashioned hangover and a craving for banana milkshake.