Friday, 2 January 2009

Moratorium on Jennifer Aniston

Can we just have a moratorium on Jennifer Aniston please? I mean, Hollywood is usually fairly good at easing out the chaff from the pile. Who’s heard from Chris O’Donnell recently? Is anybody taking Elizabeth Berkley’s calls? Matt le Blanc is currently eating his way through his redundancy package. Jennifer Aniston? Seriously? Bring it. She ruins everything. Case in point: she was once the worst thing about a Vince Vaughn movie. That’s pretty bad.

Aside: Remember when Vince Vaughn was good and you quite enjoyed his ‘money’ performances. Now he is the death knell, the death knell with ‘hilarious quips’ and creepy charm. I can’t remember the last film I saw with him that was better for his presence, or for that matter, the last film where I thought, wow Vince Vaughn would certainly make this an instant stone-cold classic.

But Jennifer Aniston? Formerly of Br-Aniston (pickle) fame? Formerly of the most quoted most reviled most utter bullshit squib of shit ever Friends? Fuck off. I’ve read in interviews that you google yourself. I hope you find this and read it and are inspired to retire, because regardless of the fees you command, you ruin everything. Mostly you ruin everything because you’re miscast as a crazy kooky off-the-wall unpredictable batshit crazy vixen of danger. Wasn’t that Phoebe? Who got their casting wrong and thought your ordinary girl squeaky schtick was anything resembling ker-azee? In ‘Along Came Polly’ you were supposed to play an out-there girl who lived life in the fast lane by salsa dancing and liking curry. It’s a testament to your acting skills that I found you miscast. Miscast should hardly ever be a word used for actors. You act. You convince people you’re someone you’re not. Philip Seymour Hoffman has played a gay porn camera operator; snotty schoolboy; corrupt scheming businessman; famous writer and evil megalomaniac, and at no point has anyone questioned the casting choice. Wanna know why? He acts. You, Jennifer, squeak and squawk and shriek your way through everything. And then, you committed the ultimate travesty, you spoke the impeccable Tina Fey’s words and you ruined a potentially great episode of 30 Rock with your woefully miscasting as a ‘hilarious’ versatile comedy actress. Shame Lisa Kudrow was busy that day.

And no one cares about your lovelife.

Please- studio executive- stop taking her calls. Jennifer, go and play more bored plain Janes like the passable ‘Good Girl’. And give Lisa Kudrow a chance, at least she was believably kooky.

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