Monday, 3 November 2008

Overheard conversation on a southbound Victoria Line train

TRAIN DRIVER (over tannoy): It has been brought to my attention that there are beggars operating on this train. Please do not approach them. Please do not give them any money. They are linked to an underground ring of thieves, drug dealers and prostitutes.
MUM: They should stop the train.
SON: Why?
MUM: Get these beggars off the train now.
SON: Right now?
MUM: Right now.
SON: We're between stations. Surely that would slow everyone down.
MUM: Doesn't matter. Stop the train. Get them off. Let them wonder this network of tunnels till they get their comeuppance. They'd never find their ways out. It'd clean up the streets.
SON: Mum... please.
MUM: I can spot them you know.
SON: Spot what?
MUM: Beggars. I can see them. I can smell them. Wherever they are, I know they're there. I should do something.
SON: Can you see one right now?
MUM: No. But they should stop the train and let me walk through the carriages, I'd wheedle them out. You could throw them out of the train. Tough boy like you.
SON: Mum, please...
MUM: I'm not being harsh about pestilence. You lead a certain lifestyle, you come to expect being treated a certain way. And my eagle-eye never fails me.
SON: Mum, you're being embarrassing.
MUM: I'm just saying what's on all of their minds. They don't want to ride in the same trains as the homeless either. What next? Free medical care for these rats?


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