Thursday, 11 September 2008

Geeks through the ages #5: Milhouse van Houten

I'm not a nerd, Bart. Nerds are smart.

Oh Milhouse... at least you end up with Lisa in the end. Milhouse is one of those geeks who doesn't have anything really geeky about him. He's not particularly obsessed by anything or good at anything but it's his social ineptitude and inability to relate to anyone on a basic level and his timid fear of the world that makes him today's Geek through the ages.

Milhouse is of average intelligence and has poor social skills. He is also very gullible, thus he is constantly led into trouble by the mischievous Bart, who is not shy about taking advantage of his naive and trusting friend. Milhouse is one of the few residents in Springfield with eyebrows. Homer is often heard calling him "Bart's weird friend", "that little wiener" or "the sad weird kid".

Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know.

You gotta feel for this mollycoddled kid whose mum thinks the world of him, that he will one day triumph over adversity and be the name on everyone's lips.

Milhouse is fluent in Italian due to visiting his English-language-hating grandmother Sofia in Tuscany for two weeks every year. Because of his grandmother's beatings, Milhouse learned Italian and started to wet his bed.

Milhouse is allergic to honey, wheat, dairy, non-dairy and even his own tears. He drinks Soy milk and says that real milk can kill him (though when Homer hands him rat's milk, which Milhouse believes to be cow's milk, he drinks it).

He has also demonstrated that he is a skilled Vespa rider, although he is obviously not legally entitled to operate a scooter on public roads. It is also in this episode that Milhouse had come closest to wooing Lisa, as she even kept a picture of Milhouse in her room while practicing Italian. It is implied that she is captivated by his impressive command of the language during a rather romantic outing to the local Italian immigrant establishment. However, he once again reaches a roadblock due to his ongoing fatal flaw when it comes to girls.

But I'm All Milhouse! Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomest guy in school!

Oh Milhouse... we salute you... because no one else is going to...

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