Wednesday, 24 September 2008

The truth is out there... innit.

You know when Indian call centres call you up and they give you fake names likes James Smith or Rosie o'Donnell or Conan O'Brien? Well, today I was phoned up by someone from the UK National Accident survey, claiming to be Chris Carter. He had a thick Indian accent. The name Chris Carter immediately conjures up the surfer dude who created the X Files. This is where we join the scene.

CARTER: This is Chris Carter calling from the UK National Accident Survey. Have you had an accident there in the last 2 years.

ME: No I haven't. Please take me off your list. Thank you.

CARTER: Sir! I believe you will find this is not a promotional call. This is a governmental matter.

ME: Are you from the FBI?

CARTER: Sir! I do not understand.

ME: Never mind. Your name is the same as the guy who created the X Files.

CARTER: People are always telling me this. Now, where were you on 14th May 2006?

ME: I don't know.

CARTER: I believe the truth is you were having a road accident. Is this correct?

ME: Not me. I've never been in a road accident.

CARTER: Not according to these records. Are you claiming they are falsified.

ME: Are you sure you mean me?

CARTER: You are MR SHUKLA YES? Then you had the accident.

ME: I didn't have an accident.

CARTER (reading me my address like I'm thick):....

ME: You know, I didn't live at this address in 2006.

CARTER: Yes you did... you had a road accident then. It is in our records.

ME: WHat are you talking about? I didn't.

CARTER: Sir, telling me a lie now will damage your compensation claim.

ME: But I didn't have an accident!


ME: I didn't live here in 2006.


ME: Maybe it was the previous tenant.

CARTER: Oh! Sorry. This is a mystery...

ME: Well, the truth is out there...

CARTER: I will solve this unexplained mystery. Thank you and sorry.


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